Missy Barrett's Adventures

The amazing adventures of a fictional child

Reading Ads Carefully

on March 5, 2014

Yesterday, my mom and me, we were driving back home from the grocery store when I saw a great big ad at this one restaurant that’s part of the restaurant chain with red and white stripes.  I think you know the one I mean.  It has a lot of initials on the building when you go by it.

Anyway, the ad outside said that for ten whole dollars, customers would get a burger and bottomless fries.  I know that sounds really good, but it’s not really, you know.  It’s not like offering a bottomless drink.  A bottomless drink means that you never get to the bottom of the glass because they’re always putting more drink in the glass so you never get to the bottom.

But bottomless fries isn’t the same thing.  Fries are made out of potatoes and potatoes always have a top end and a bottom end, even if both ends look the same.    But let’s pretend that you can tell what end is the top end and what end is the bottom end.  Let’s say that someone in the kitchen takes a really big sharp knife and cuts all the bottoms off all the fries in the kitchen.  Guess what?

The fries still have bottoms.  They have new bottoms.  And those bottoms that got cut off, they’ve got new tops.

The only way you can have bottomless fries is if you have topless fries, too.  Then you have fries with only middles but that’s not right either because the middles have to have a top and a bottom otherwise they’re not middles.  The only way you can have bottomless fries is if they’re topless and middleless on top of being bottomless, and do you know what that means?

It means to me that the restaurant is going to make you pay ten dollars for a burger plus you get zero fries, and that’s just crazy talk!  If my mom’s going to buy me a ten dollar hamburger, it better come with a lot of something else because for ten dollars, my mom can buy me lots of delicious chicken instead and that’s going to come with lots of fries that have tops and middles and bottoms.

Maybe the person that made the ad for that restaurant just wasn’t using the thinking part of the brain when the ad got made up.  I hope that’s the problem because I don’t want to think that the restaurant is going to fool people into buying a ten dollar burger, and then have to pay for everything else to go with it.  That would not be good.

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