You ever noticed that the 12 days of Christmas has too many boys and birds in it? Yeah, me, too! Except I only noticed it this year. They got one partridge, two turtle doves, three French hens, four calling birds, six geese laying eggs and seven swans. So that’s, 23 birds! That’s a lot of birds that get sent to a girl from a boy at Christmas, don’t you think?
And then there’s boys! If a boy is sending a girl a present, I don’t think he should send more boys. That’s just crazy to do that! But you know, in the song, the boy sends the girl eleven pipers and twelve drummer boys and that would be really loud if you have all those guys playing their instruments. Anyway, that makes 23 boys.
Plus you know what else the boy sends the girl? Ten lizards leaping! I don’t get it. How come the boy sends the girl lizards? I hardly know any girls that like lizards or snakes or things like that, so sending lizards — especially lizards that are leaping — would not be a good idea to send to a girl except if you know she likes lizards already.
Guess how many girls there are? Eight girls that like milk and nine girls that like dancing, and that’s just 17 girls.
So how is that fair because if the boy wants to throw a Christmas party for the girl, there’s way too many birds invited, and way too many boys because there’s not enough girls for every boy. But there’s enough birds for every boy, so what’s that all about?
And what’s with the five golden rings that everybody sings different than the rest of the song? Why is it so important to sing “fiiiiiiiiiive gooooooooooooooooooooooool-den riiiiiiiiiiings” and to sing it just like that every time you get to that part of the song? It’s five golden rings! Just sing and get going with the rest of the song, that’s what I think.
My brother, Josh, tried to tell me that they’re not really people that get sent to the girl. He said that it means that lots of gifts got sent over to the girl from the boy and he says that if you add everything up that he sends her, that he sends her 364 presents … one for every day. Except that’s not right because I know there’s 365 days every single year except for when there’s one more for leap year. So here’s my question: What one day does the boy NOT send the girl a present?
Yeah, see? That song makes zero sense.